Why do we do it? We have a tendency to fear the things we don’t know about or fear the things we cannot control. It’s innate in us, we just have a hard time wrapping our brains around a feeling we have never experienced yet.
When I was told I was going to have to have a Hysteroscopy to remove a small polyp in my uterus, before my egg transfer, I thought, how in the heck are they going to get in there, without cutting me open? When I inquired, the nurse told me they go in through the vagina and in through the cervix. I asked how they open the cervix and she said they would prescribe medication to dilate it. Wait, hold the phone, I know what that means, that means you are going to give me medicine to act like labor, I’m no dummy. She assured me it would not be like that.
When I picked the medication up from the pharmacy, I had the name of it and made the cardinal mistake of looking up information about it online. I read pages upon pages of women’s stories that told of the horror this medication afflicted on their bodies. I read of nightmarish things that made me so afraid of the pain I was going to experience I got myself prepared for the worst. I got lavender essential oil for my diffuser, I got epsom salts for a bath if needed, I downloaded meditation apps, and looked up pain reliever videos on you tube. I was all set to hunker down and work through it all night.
When they called to tell me my surgery time was 2pm, I started tearing up. I asked the nurse, how am I going to make it that long in writhing pain? I won’t be able to do it. She told me it would not be bad at all and not to worry. Of course, I worry, because I haven’t experienced it myself so I don’t know.
The time came to insert the three Misoprostol 200 mg tablets into my vajayjay. I pushed them as far up as I could reach and laid down in bed to wait. The first hour went by, and I felt a twinge of pain for a second, I thought, oh god, it’s coming, and I waited. The second hour went by and no pain, the third hour went by and still no pain. Hmmmm…did I do it right? Based on what other people said I felt like I must have screwed things up. Either way, there was nothing I could do about it now. I stayed in a horizontal position for about 3 hours to make sure nothing ‘fell’ out when I stood up. Really, there was no pain, maybe mild cramping, like a period a little, but I’ve had worse periods. I did take the Tylenol and Ibuprofen as instructed and to the minute based on what my directions were. After the last dose of pain killers, I went to sleep, and I was able to sleep through the night.
The morning came and I still had no pain, I got caught up on bills, made some important phone calls, and just relaxed to get ready for my surgery. When we got to the office, we checked in and since we were 45 minutes early I figured it would be a minute, but nope, I literally was sitting less than a minute and they called my name. To the back we went, and before you know it, there are 5 people in this tiny little pre-op curtained room. I swear to God. I had three nurses, one to ask me questions (which was so confusing with everything going on), one to put my IV in (which I wanted to focus on so I didn’t scream or move from pain) and one to watch the one doing the IV because the one doing it was new. Then I had the anesthesiologist in there asking questions through the nurses, and my doctor came in. Holy mackerel. It gave me a little anxiety before everything. But I told the nurse since I was dehydrated and my veins are small it might be a challenge to find a vein. I expected to be poked at least twice, especially with this new nurse. But she got it on the first try. I thanked her for not poking me twice. Then they brought me this substance to drink, a little shot in a red plastic container. I asked what it was and they told me it was for nausea. The minute I smelled the sour smell I remembered it from my past two c-sections. It tastes like a lemon drop on acid and a deep medicine taste. It is horrible! When all calmed down, I was just waiting my turn in the operating room. My husband was in there with me, and he was playing on his phone and I read a couple articles in my magazine.
Before I knew it, they came in to get me. I walked to the bathroom to pee, and then walked right into the OR. It was the same table as my egg retrieval and they had me back into the table and they untied my gown and had me lay down, with my butt at the end of the table and my legs in these stirrups. They are massive cushiony stirrups and they are lifted up high, and they cradle your legs and strap them in. I gotta say, minus the breeze in my nether regions, it was pretty comfy.
The anesthesiologist put a blood pressure cuff on my arm and strapped my arms to the table. Before I even knew it, I was asleep. They don’t have you count down or let you know it’s going to happen, it just does, and you wake up 45 minutes later feeling like nothing happened at all. It’s the weirdest feeling. I chatted with the nurse once I woke up and I had little to no pain, just grogginess. They gave me Tylenol just in case there was pain and I was on my way. I was starving because I couldn’t eat all day and they gave me something for any nausea associated with the anesthesia, so my husband and I stopped and got some food on the way home. It hit the spot perfectly.
A few hours after getting home, I started to feel cramps in my uterus and it isn’t pleasant, but I took some Ibuprofen and I hope it stays pretty mild. So far, all my fears have been disproven. I hope that continues as I start injections back up tomorrow morning. In fact, the big dog drugs are coming out to play now. Tomorrow begins, Lovenox injection, estrogen patches, estrogen tablets, aspirin, and the antibiotic I’m on from the surgery today. A week after that I add Progesterone in Oil to the mix, another one of my great fears.
One more thing down, and I’m keeping my eyes on the prize. My sweet sweet baby girl.